How to Write Screenplays. Badly.

How to Write Screenplays. Badly.

As Blogs go, this ones a real laugh... Twice as much fun as watching the latest crap from Hollywood.

If you must read one blog the year... make it this one.

Friendishly Advice

I recently had a conversation with a close friend about the the issue of understanding. In this case, a female friend was trying to understand a male friend of hers, who seemed to be trying to understand her. The whole issue of understanding was kinda getting in the way of the friendship.

Which lead me to give her a little advice… Us megalomanic geeks are of course also guru’s of other peoples relationships and well suited to giving advice, even if we are loners who don’t have girlfriends cause we are just too geeky for our own good. ;) “The advice??” I hear you scream… along with “Get on with it, and stop waffling on about yourself!!”

Oh ok… In my studies of human relationships, interaction, and general interactivity, I have noticed that far too many people NEED (with a burning desire) to either “Understand” or “Relate” to another person. When interacting with someone else, the require a connection, a peer group, similar interests. At the same time, they tend to dislike or detest people who don’t fall into their ideal world. This leads to people trying desperately to understand people, or categorize them, and if there isn’t a pideon hole to stick them in, there’s always the waste bin.

My Advice… Don’t try and understand people, don’t try and categorize them… Use your instincts to work out where you like someone or not, and then just like them for their diversity, their individuality. We all have enough things to worry about in life, we don’t need to worrying about who did what and why they did it, or why someone believes something that you yourself don’t.

"Thick" and "Deluded"

I have recently been accused of being "Thick" and "Deluded", as well as being called something I'm reluctant to repeat. One persons opinion, and obviously with some merit, as I am Thick, I prefer the term FAT, but if one of my readers feels that they need to compliment me, then "so be it".

As for Deluded, well here is an essay waiting to be written... For I cannot deny that either. I am deluded in alot of things... For thinking that the people of the world will one day rise and reclaim the freedom which they are happily letting slip through their fingers. I'm deluded in thinking that people are actually interested enough to actually understand the ravings of a madman.

I'm deluded in alot more also, but most of all, I'm deluded in thinking that people who resort to name calling and and abuse for the sole purpose of advertizing their own excrement finger painting, and blatant disregard for other peoples rights, property and peaceful life, actually have a right express their opinions also... But alas, I do.

Besides, I'm sure like all who opose my attempt to take over the world, this individual will be among the first to be crushed under the wheels of my army of Killer Robots.

Inspiration from afar.

There were a few days there when I didn't live up to my duty to you my reader, so today, I give you lots to read. I have come across a Blogger who has inspired me to live my dream, someone who whilst they are thrust into their situation, I long for it. While I feel for them, in their struggle to rectify their situation, I long to try that lifestyle myself...

The Wandering Scribe

The Wandering Scribe is someone who has found themselves living in a car, on the edge of the woods... No fixed abode. The freedom that this speaks of to me is deafening... To live like that, as a gypsy... Free to roam... Free to pull up camp and move on at a moments notice... Ahhh... I'm in heaven just dreaming about it...

You see fellow readers, for years, I have felt that society is too restrictive. You grow up, go to school, finish school, get a job, find a partner, settle down, have kids... The cycles repeats. The rules/laws we live by grow more complex, and slowly we let our freedom get eaten away. But not everyone finds themselves wanting that lifestyle. Some of us want the freedom, the loneliness. Some of us revel in not conforming to what society wants of us. Those of us that do, don't always shun societies rules and law... We just kind of separate ourselves from it.

And yet others... They plot world domination at the claws of thousands of killer robots...

Wandering Scribe, I salute you, we here hold your achievements in our hearts, and long to follow in your tire-tracks in the future.

The Blame Game, who really wins?

I woke up one morning a few weeks ago, and a thought hit me... Hit me quite hard too, as I still have the bruise to prove it. The thought might be slightly insane... But then I never admitted to being sane, infact I abhor the idea of sanity. The thought though? It went along these lines...

Are we such sheep, that we constantly let governments just walk all over us? Sure, there are those that question the political path... But in my observation 90% of us just plod along, dumbly following what the media tell us, and what big business tell us. I'm one of those sheep myself, I sit quietly and just live my life. But life has become very reactionary hasn't it?

Someone wrongs us, and we sue. An accident happens and we find someone to blame, and then sue. Are we not just following the "normal" way of life? Hmm you tell me... Was suing as big as it is these days, ten years ago? I'm sure it was with big business, and now that everything gets cheaper, it is within the general publics reach. To me that's fair I guess... But where does it stop? This blame game? It is the cause of laws being written, Business's going broke because they can't afford to pay the insurance needed. Community markets and events can't raise enough many to pay the insurance they need to protect themselves these days... And it just gets worse.

These days, households are responsible to provide third party insurance for their own yards. Laws are created to make sure people have Insurance. Long gone are the days that if you slip over in someone's yard, you take resposibility for your own actions. Now, you just blame someone else. There are SO many stories of people suing for the stupidest of things. A woman suing a council for not warning her that Magpies may divebomb during mating season. A thief tripping and falling over a hose on the roof of the museum that he was robbing. Friends suing other friends because they slipped on a step in their back yard. These people get away with it... Why?

And do we really wonder why there are people out there willing to just walk out into the middle of the road? Or why their are people who try and roughed the insurance system, driving up our premiums? Or why people want to take over the world with Killer robots?

A critical critique of critics

Can you really trust a critic to give you an informed opinion of something? I'm going to cheat here and post a conversation between myself, and 2Blog... Hopefully it'll show you the type of opinionated person you illustrious blog author is. ;) Enjoy.

2Blog says:see the slagging the Da Vinci code has copped....hmmm
Syridian says:Yeah, well, they are critics... they gotta slag it.
2Blog says:true
Syridian says:I wouldn't be surprized if the ones slagging it are actually religious people
2Blog says:just surprised though, how vocal it is.
2Blog says:yes true
2Blog says:but they did endorse Passion of the Christ
Syridian says:I'm tempted to see if I can get into a session tonight.
2Blog says:thing is tho, read some of there comments - this aint just blatant gripes
2Blog says:thats the thing that got me
Syridian says:You know me and critics.... I don't listen to them... Otherwise I would end up like my mate... missing out cause he's too stubborn.
Syridian says:He thinks that just cause of all the hype, the movies gotta be crap.
Syridian says:I say that the only way to determine that, is to watch it yourself... not listen to critics who not only have their own opinions on movies, but like to pick apart anything that doesn't conform to their own ideals.
2Blog says:yes i agree
2Blog says:but it's very rare that critics actually attack the actual construction element of the film
2Blog says:usually its cheap shots e.g. shit acting, plot holes etc
Syridian says:True... But EVERYthing has politics attached to it in business... Nobody gives their honest opinion... Specially critics.. they are paid to analyse and come up with a critique that appeals to their readers, following a governed set of rules by their publishers.
2Blog says:(no wonder he is blog mad)
Syridian says:Add to that the mix of their own personal opinion... and any underlying personal politics... how can you really trust a critic?
Syridian says:Hehehehe
2Blog says:wouldnt call it personal opinion - more like they inject there personalities
Syridian says:Speaking of the blog.. I might critique the critics just for the fun of it.
2Blog says:might as well
2Blog says:u just splurged out that much trash that no critic would have room to breathe a single breath
Syridian says:Although I think my issue is more with those that listen to the critics more than the critics themselves....
2Blog says:Syridian the Editor - please submit your blank paragraphs for publication
Syridian says:LOL...
Syridian says:Damn right. Does me good to get it out.
2Blog says:I pity your future wife heheheheh

Damn critics! ;)

Disclaimer: Whilst this conversation is basically as is, it was edited to remove unrelated topics, and correct spelling.

We just turned 21!!!!......................Days, that is.

Bleep, Dots and Nonsense today turns the big Two One! Yes, a whole 21 days old today, and hasn't it just developed into a fanscinating site over these last few weeks? Expanding not only up... but out, much like Myself. ;)

Over the last few weeks we have had our ups, and downs... Who can forget that first whinge about ShityRail's inspired thinking... or the commentry on the state of Australian intolerance. We have come along way, and we have our humble readers to thank for keeping up going. Well, our readers, and those wonderful folks at Jumba for providing us with webhosting.

Now that we are officially an Adult, and can drink and all... It's time that we really took the world by storm. Tell your friends what a great site we are, and how serious and news worthy our stories and articles are. Tell them all to get on board and become a friend of Syridian.com by joining the forums, and participating in discussion of world dominance, killer robots and other interesting topics. Looking forward to the future, and celebrating our 50th with all of you too. :)

The Procrastination Effect

It seems dear readers, that I Syridian have fallen into what is called the procrastination effect. A void in space time where the only stuff that eminates is usually brown and smelly. Thus I must extract myself from this void, and return to the task at hand. World domination is back in the fore-front of my geekiness.

It seems that my competition is streaking ahead, after having actually started her research into robot construction. I therefore must now start at least to put my considerable resources to the same task. Regular readers would have followed the rapid expansion of this site, noting the addition of Syri-tronics. This will be the new home "Syritroniton" mark 1.

"Syritroniton" will be the first of a long line of robots designed with the specific task of bringing the world under my control. Syri-tronics will provide you with details along the way of how to construct your own "Syritroniton". When you have completed construction and proved to us that you have followed instructions, we will provide you with the fully programmed master control processor to give your robot all the functionality that you will find in our own.

So stay tuned to Syridian.com for future updates, plans and news on how the world domination effort is going. We are also still looking for programmers, engineers and scientists willing to join the efforts of our team to free humanity from the expansive freedom that currently unites them.

Train Training - defensive seating

I hop on the train at it's first stop every morning... So I'm pretty much always guaranteed a seat where I want to sit. When the train starts filling up, and getting closer to my destination, I usually give up my seat to someone standing. Yes, there are still guys that do that... Although why, I don't know, when you hear or see the usual reactions I get from the people I offer my seat to.

Yes, OK, so I usually offer my seat to women... I have priorities... Pregnant women first, followed in order by elderly women, elderly men, then any women, if there are none that fit in those groups needing a seat, then I'll just get up and let the guys standing fight over it. However I would say that out of all the women I have given my seat to, only the elderly and pregnant women actually say thank you, or are nice about it. The average woman is usually very defensive, snapish, and sometimes just plain rude.

I guess that may be because they are not used to a geeky guy offering them a seat, I guess they must think I'm after something, or that if they accept this kindness, I will want something in return. The fact is, I do, all I want is a smile, maybe even a thankyou. It's become a chicken and egg situation though hasn't it? I mean, a few months ago, it was big news that people weren't giving up their seats for those that deserve them more, but with that sort of reaction, why would guys like myself bother to offer the seat we are comfortable in to someone else... Why wouldn't we just horde it until we get to our destination? Because giving up our seat is the right thing to do? Sure, it is... But then why are we made to feel guilty for it? Made to feel like we are a perverted stalker just wanting some sort of excuse to follow someone? And they wonder why no-one is willing to give up a seat... Where's the polite smile gone? Maybe the thank you?

Am I whinging? Yeah, I am... Maybe cause I'm getting tired of that look of horror I get for offering someone my seat... I admit, I'm a scarey guy, and I'll continue to offer my seat... Next time you get offered a seat, just think about your reaction. Stalkers are more likely to remember you treating them badly, than being polite. ;)

God, The Devil and Syridian...

Opinion on religious matters can start huge debates in many circles. Alot of people read/hear "God" or "Jesus" and either immediately turn off, or immediately start reading. We all have our opinions for and against... We all have an opinion, some conform to the Churches idea's, others have their own idea's. I am one of those that has their own idea's... And so that you can better understand the complexity and insanity that is Syridian, I shall now ram those idea's down your throats.

Open wide...

The big question, "Do I believe in God?" The answer is simple enough, I'm agnostic, and until God taps me on the shoulder and proves to me that he exists, I choose to believe in what I can see, in facts, in physical proof. I don't say that God does not exist... just that if God does exist, he/she has not provided enough evidence to make me believe.

The Bible has alot of so called 'proof' however if you actually read and study the bible with an open mind, it's easy to see the truth of what is told. My experiences with a number of religions has been that they try and teach you at a young age to "have faith" and "believe". This is because if the Bible is taught to free thinking adults, they can see it for what it really is. It's a collection of historic books that have been edited together for the benefit of controlling the masses. Since mankind developed the means to draw and write, we have written down history so that it can be recorded for future generations. If this is understood, and the motivation of the "church" is understood, then the text of the Bible is easily understood. With the right perspective, the truth can be seen. The "church" over the years, has manipulated people into believing in God for it's own goals, those goals being suplication, control and power.

"Wholey Crap!!" You may say... "You are just against the church".

To that I'll answer "Yes, I am". That is MY perspective... my opinion.

Then you may say "well what about Jesus, and all the good he did. He was around before most of the churches today, and he preached the word of God".

True, he did... And in all honesty, I will admit to believeing in some of what he taught. However, like chinese whispers change the word of one person into something completely differant. I believe the gosples have been tainted over the centuries into saying what the church wants them to say. The Bible as a whole is HIGHLY edited, even the King James version is just a collection of gospels that support the churches view. So what do I believe about Jesus?

Check out Next Weeks post on religion to find out...

Syridian.com proudly presents Sonnet-Boom.

In an effort to encourage poetry and creative writing, I opened a new section to the Syridian.com empire. This morning, at 9am, Sonnet-Boom went live. This Blogspot hosted Blog has been developed for writers and poets of all ages and cultures to submit their poetry for other bloggers to read.

So, all of you poetic types out there, feel free to submit your poetry, creative writing and anything creativly word related.

The site can be found at:

http://sonnet-boom.blogspot.com

The Story of Desire...

Ok, so you all tuned in and went... Huh? Syridian's posting poetry? Well Yeah... So now you want to hear why?

Whilst I'm no poet, there are occasionally those times when I feel peotic... And Desire was written during one of those poetic periods in my life... About 8 months ago I think... While I was looking around the web and came across Poetry.com. They have poetry copetitions, where daily they give away money, and all you have to do is write a poem. So I entered, but in doing so, had to give the website my email address. And there you have it... thats why it came into existance.

"But why Syridian have you stuck it here now?" I heard you ask...

Because yesterday while checking my email, I came across this great email, that made me feel all warm and fuzzy... Here it is.

Dear Syridian,

Because you requested that we notify you of important poetic events, I am delighted to inform you that in just a few weeks, we will be honoring your poetic accomplishments at the International Society of Poets 20^th Anniversary Convention and Symposium, to be held at the Riviera Hotel & Casino, Las Vegas, NV, from July 20-23, 2006.

When you attend the Convention and Symposium, you will present your poetry in front of your fellow poets from around the world (our last convention was celebrated by over 1800 poets and guests from 50 countries worldwide!), and you will be presented with your Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Crystal Award Trophy.

The Award is a magnificent work of art in itself ($300.00 value), made from imported lead crystal (see it here). It is hand-engraved and mounted on a three-tier solid marble base. This will be the first time ever that we have bestowed these crystal awards. They have been created by artisans that we have commissioned specially for this year in honor of our 20th Anniversary. This impressive 13-inch tall crystal award is so valuable that we have designed a special carrying case just for you to take it home.

And Syridian . . . there's much more . . .

In recognition of your poetry presentation at this prestigious International Symposium, we will also create and present to you a beautiful and colorful Commemorative Award Medallion to honor your poetic dedication and achievements.

POETS WILL SHARE $100,000.00 TOTAL IN PRIZES--INCLUDING
THE SINGLE LARGEST POETRY CASH PRIZE EVER AWARDED--$20,000.00!

And don't forget the most lucrative amateur poetry contest ever! Your contest entry poem can be written in any style, on any subject . . . and can be up to 40 lines long.

Just think . . . for this poem alone, you will have the opportunity to win one of over 50 cash and gift prizes. . . including a Grand Prize of $20,000.00 and a $10,000.00 Publishing Contract. There's also a Second Prize of $10,000.00, Third Prize of $5,000.00, two Fourth Prizes of $2,500.00 each, five Fifth Prizes of $1,000.00 each, and fifteen Sixth Place Prizes of $500.00 each. Plus, we will award an additional five $1,000.00 scholarships to some of today's most talented young poets. We will also present Apple iPods to the runners-up in the young poet category, not to mention door prizes, including tickets to see the best shows in Las Vegas. American Idol winner Ruben Studdard will be with us to congratulate poets and present the Grand Prize.

LIGHTS . . . CAMERA . . . ACTION!

And that's still just the beginning . . . we've got three very special days planned for you . . . ones you'll never forget!

**You will be officially inducted as an honorary "International Poet of Merit" for 2006-2007.

**You and your poetic achievements will be honored at Award Ceremonies and a Gala Banquet.

**You will enjoy dazzling world class entertainment created especially for you featuring Grammy winner Tony Orlando. These special command performances will delight you.

**You will learn more about your craft in seminars, reading rooms, rap sessions, and workshops where you can read and discuss your poetry in informal settings with other poets from all over the world. Back by popular demand are the ISP rap rooms, our famous sunrise poetry readings, the ISP Open Microphone Rooms, and workshops on how to fine-tune your poetic talents.

**You will have the rare opportunity to get up-close and personal with Pulitzer Prize-winning poet W. D. Snodgrass, Academy of American Poets Past Chancellor David Wagoner, Dr. Len Roberts, Dr. Herbert Woodward Martin, and other poetry celebrities who will be in attendance.

**You will participate in a fantastic international poetry competition featuring prizes totaling $100,000.00, featuring a Grand Prize of $20,000.00 and a $10,000.00 book publishing contract.

**You and your guests will also be eligible to win one of many door prizes, valued at over $6,000.00.

**You will make friendships that will last a lifetime and will return home with wonderful memories, your Outstanding Achievement in Poetry Crystal Award Trophy, your Commemorative Award Medallion, and lots of other special gifts.

DON'T BE LEFT OUT

Don't miss this opportunity. Space is limited, and our Conventions routinely sell out. Plan to join your fellow poets in Las Vegas, Nevada, July 20-23, 2006, for the poetic event of the year! I am also looking forward to meeting you and celebrating the power and beauty of poets and poetry! Click here to register!

Sincerely,
Steve Michaels
International Society of Poets
Convention Chairperson

Click here for more information.

Click here to watch the convention highlights video

Click here to Register Now, or go to
https://www.poetry.com/poetscorner/register.asp

WoW! That was my reaction... I though this sounds fantastic!! I didn't think I was that good... Then I put 2 and 40 together, came up with the ultimate answer, and realised what was going on. You see, I didn't ACTUALLY win anything... It's just Spam. But well, it left me feeling good. :) And then cheated...

Dont you just LOVE those marketing people. ;)

Desire

Her hair so red,
my heart I dread,
has locked my brain away.
her eye's so blue,
my lust she drew,
and follow I must this day.

Copyright ©2006 Syridian

Movie Madness - "A quickie about the flickies"

Ok, so this is a shameless "Quickie" with little thought and not much research. Late nights tend to bring that out in people. ;)

The owner of the company I work for just brought down the latest FilmInk Magazine, something he has done since my subscription ran out, and I neglected to renew it. It's a great Magazine, don't get me wrong, and I may renew it again soon. It's just that my renewal came along during a time of financial pucker'dness (yes, I was being a tightarse), and it was one of those things that I sometimes glance through, but never really sit and read cover to cover.

The mag has a GREAT reviews section, and I particularly enjoy the way in which they score their movies. They are rated out of $14.50, yes folks... they are rated acording to what the reviewer thinks you should have paid for the ticket. I like that meathod, but I do think it has a few floors... But then I am one who thinks that REVIEWS are just one persons opinion, and should not be used to judge the individuals responce to a particular movie. If you like the look of the preview... GO see the movie, don't read a crappy review, and then decide "aww naaa... It got bad reviews" You might like it anyway. :) The only time Reviews hold any sway with me, is if I find a reviewer that has the exact same opinions that I do with movies...

That said... Here are some of the worthwhile movies, according to FilmInk anyway. :)

The New World scores highest, followed by Hidden and Kokoda. Next on the score chart is I Know I'm Not Alone, On A Clear Day and Live And Become.

Syridian.com Forum is now open to the public.

We are proud to offer all reader access to the Syridian.com Forums, where you are able to discuss any topic, have in depth public discussion and generally share your opinions with other readers.

The forum can be accessed from the button in the sidebar. Signup and become a valuable member of this growing resource. Feel free to start new topics, and converse on many aspects of the site, and of life in general.

Look forward to chatting to you in there.

Rapid or vapid expansion?

"Ours is not to question why, ours is to do or die."

Does a blog about one person's opinions in life really matter? Is it a worth while endeavor for someone to spill thoughts out to a world wide audience? Do any of you really care about the thoughts of a mid-thirties man who is back living with his parents?

Oh, I know what you are all thinking now, you're thinking "bloggers remorse" is kicking in aready, aren't you? You're thinking now that he's expanded to a nicely produced blog with everything he could want, he's growing bored, and given another few weeks this blog would peeter out and die. SHAME ON YOU!

I am not! I have a plan... Oh! The world domination thing? That's just a side hobby. But for my plan to work, I need to find people who would like to take the ride with me.

Are you a struggling artistic person looking for a medium on which people can view your work? Short movies? Graphic arts? Music? Poetry? Stories? If you have something you would like to get out there for the world to see, let Syridian.com help you.

Yes, I'll be totally honest with you, we want to be involved when your career takes off. We want to ride your shirt tails to success. Basically we want more content to bring visitors to our site. So what we are offering is a place to be... To chat on our forums, and to express yourself.

Contact Syridian for more information.

Worth feelings...

To question one's worth is sometimes a very sobering experience. Not because doing so would bring you to the conclusion that one's worth is equal to the ratio of true friends and family to general hanger-er-on-er-ers, and really has nothing to do with what we achieve in life (to be explained later)... But because it shows us that in the bigger scheme of life, we are but a grain of sand and therefore subject to the winds of life.

What the....?!?! Where's this heading I hear you scream.

The grain of sand doesn't care where life takes it. We as humans have control over our destiny do we not? Sure, some choices take half a lifetime to bring us to the conclusion of that decision, but they are choices we made, and must live with. Is it worth creating stress to deal with the consequences?

So how do we deal with those consequences when they occur? In my observations, most of us do stress, and over the smallest things at times. Could it be regret for a badly made choice? Blame rears its ugly head a lot too, blaming others, pointing a finger. There are numerous world events that have shown this response time and time again.

So what's the point of this article?

Well, if I were an arrogant person, it would be me telling you all to look inward, question what brought you to this point in your lives. But honestly, that's not me. Your lives are yours to live, and ultimatly, there is only one person who's opinion matters in the end, yours. So what is the point?

The point is, I write what I want to write, and hopefully you read it because you want to read it. Either way (whether you like it or not), I hope that you come to that conclusion on your own and not because someone else influenced it.

Hmmm... That's enough of the philosophy, lets get back to the seriousness of making people giggle.

In Geek we trust...

Seems just as I thought my plans for world domination were getting somewhere, I find there are more than one of us meglomaniac geeks out there. My plan of rapid expansion of my blogspace into a multi-national corporation to rival the likes of Google and Micro$oft is currently on schedule. 3 weeks into it, and I have expanded to a Multi blog site, have 2 contributors, and small range of merchandise. Once Syridian.com starts to provide real competition to Micro$oft though, I'm going to need an army of killer robots to forcably protect my investments for hostal take over attempts.

Sarah Smith of Sez.so fame seems to share my future plans of taking over the world with killer robots, maybe I could get her on board to help design and build my army... She seems to be starting at the basics, but as M$ has shown us numerous times, some times it's just best to throw out all the previous Bleep and start anew (oh, thats right... they haven't lead by example on that one, they just continue to show us what not to do). However maybe Sarah would be willing to help me out getting Linux running in FiDo's brain.... Or even, Fiji forbid, help re-program FiDo as brain for our killer robots from "A Mall before Christmas".

Let the plan continue...

Weekly Whinge - Beaconsfield reporting

What a fantastic piece of news, they're alive! Well worth Channel 9 interupting one of their highly rated shows for. I for one was excited about it, and wanted to hear more! 15 minutes before hand I had just watched a 2 minute "Breaking News" story on one of the other networks, which was informative and precise, but left me feeling starved for more... So when Channel 9 cut in to CSI to let us know the same thing, I thought cool, they took the extra time to better prepare and get us more info...

So is that really what they did? Were any of you watching? Here comes the weekly whinge... Channel 9's reporting was nothing more than laughable. Mike Munrow and the emminently forgetable Nick, their reporter on the scene started out much the same way as their
competition, same news, same interviewee, same interview. What happened next was where the fun, or distinct lack there of, started. What they should have done is finish, go back to CSI, and come back when the situation had changed, what they did... Well, was just bleeping silly. Mr Munrow asked silly question after silly question, to which Nick didn't have the answers for. This went on and on... Mike pressing for answers, Nick who clearly couldn't string a decent sentence together without an auto-cue, looking around as if they were written on a board somewhere. 20 minutes later these two finished up their innane banter, and let us get back to CSI. What The...?!?!

It would have been funny if it weren't so boring. We needed to know details, they didn't have them, so let us get back to our show, and let the families of those two miners get back to supporting each other.

To top the whole night off. They did the whole thing again about 30 minutes later... What utter nonsense! The network should never let these two individuals work a live breaking news story again. In my opinion (which doesn't mean much), they should both be sent away to do a week long workshop on how to present this type of news.

Rant over with... Soapbox put away... Well until next time anyway.

Thucking Thuny Stuff, Friday 5th May 2006

Okay, some jokes for the folks:

Married Couple and the Egg

A couple get married and decide to have a separate draw each for private stuff. The other partner is never to look in there.

But after 20 years, the husband's curiosity gets the better of him and he looks in the draw. He finds three eggs and $120.
When his gets home, he fesses up to taking a look.

"What did you find"? she asks him. "I found three eggs and $120" the husband says.

The wife tells him that every time she was unfaithful, she put an egg in the draw.
The husband reckons that after 20 years, cheating three times isn't so bad.

"But what's the $120 for then"? asks the husband asks.

"Well" said the wife, "every time I got a dozen eggs I sold 'em!"

Intel, IBM and SUN

An employee from Intel, IBM and Sun go to the bathroom for a piss. When they finish they all go to wash their hands.

The guy from Intel washes his hands, goes to a roll of paper towels, pulls out every last sheet and dries his hands thoroughly with them. He says to the others 'At Intel, we are very thorough.'

The guy from IBM washes his hands, goes to another roll and rips off a single sheet and carefully and methodically dries every inch of his hands and says 'At IBM, we are very thorough and very efficient.'

The guy from Sun watches them, then turns to walk out with them. 'At Sun, we don't piss on our hands.'

The Diver

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but he had on no scuba gear what soever.

The diver went down another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went down another 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy again joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out his waterproof chalkboard, and wrote,

"How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote,
"I'm drowning, you moron!"

Xmas Card....the other side

Todays Thucking Thunny bit gives a new twist on Xmas cards.



(yes it is a quiet day).

Oh yeah.....nude beach :)


Gopher Girlfriend anyone ?

And the question is why?

It occurred to me recently, to question why I’m here. No! I’m not that big a philosopher... I mean what brought me to the stage in my life where I feel I need to bore all you unsuspecting readers with my digital dribble. I know what started it. It was a pink haired Novacastrian, who is wildly wicked and wonderfully witty. But what keeps it coming?

Could it be I’m so full of my own self importance that I feel you all not only have a right, but need my opinions thrust forcedly into your minds, so that you may live a healthy and proper life?

Thinks... Thinks some more...

Maybe...

Or could it be that my reasonably quiet and shy self has been bottling the brown dribble for years and now just has so much of it stored that selling it on Ebay would just flood the market?

Could be that too...

Maybe its release for the stored frustration of years of singledom? Trolling dating sites, bars and numerous strip-clubs. I know, wrong places to look for Mrs. Right, but hell it was loads of fun.

Hmmm... So many choices.

Or maybe, just maybe, I have an over inflated ego, and think that my diatribe can actually help people out there by giving them something amusing to while away 5 minutes of the day. All though the over inflated ego might also explain why I think I have more than 6 readers.

Ok, enough of the sillyness. Its plainly obvious that I have developed a means by which to hypnotise you all into becoming my seemingly willing followers so that together we can take over the world. Each article you read brings this ultimate goal one step closer.

That should stop the republican extremists like Shelley and Tristan from reading our ungodly liberal views.

Movie Madness - "I don't get it!"

Welcome readers to the first Movie Madness post. A place of worship for those like myself who have a passion for going to the cinema. While the occasional review might be posted in here, this is more about the experience as a whole. Boring so far? Well that’s because we are still in the pre-movie advertising section, where I try sell you the merits of this product in a cheesy advertising voice while showing you cheaply produced slides.

Now for the previews...

Movie Madness is about the movie going experience as a whole, not necessarily the particular movie being seen. Future articles may include descriptive diatribe of a particular patrons patronage, or scintillating stories of sexual stardom in the back row (Not me! Im a pervert, I prefer to watch). There could even be the odd article about what other movie goers thought (if its particularly controversial, or tease-worthy) , and I may even throw in the occasional rant on a great movie that I have just watched (look for these, as they are great opportunity's to poke fun at my weirdness). So stay tuned.

The Main feature.

Now we get to the main event... If you have a similar taste in movies to me, then you would appreciate movies that subtly provide a witty life commentary, and require more thought involved to actually understand. Movies such as Sideways, Serenity, and even Waiting are a few that come to mind. They seem to take the long difficult road to no-where in particular, but in my opinion, they do it in style. Now… What surprises me about these types of movies is that there are people out there that really… Just don’t get them. Which is fair enough, but if you “Don’t get it, then say you don’t get it, or admit that it was a little too cerebral for you, or that you didn’t find it entertaining. I like listening to other peoples opinions, on life, movies, and even politics, but when those people make it clear that they don’t understand something, but still call it a pile of bleeping bleep, it kinda makes me arch my back and think, well hang on… If you don’t get it, then how can you really say whether it’s nonsense or not? Sure, it’s an opinion… But is it really their opinion? Or just a defensive reaction to being made to feel a little dumb cause they don’t get it? Anyway… Each to their own… I guess they are entitled to that opinion, as I’m entitled to think that their opinion is misinformed and ill judged. ;)

Gotta love opinions... So many choices, so many differences, so many right ones so many wrong ones.

Welcoming a new contributor.

Bleep, Dots and Nonsense is proud to introduce you all to our newest contributor, 2Blog.

2Blog is a serial DataSlut, who trolls page after page of nonsense for us, and he kindly shares the best of his findings for you, my fellow readers. I hope you can all give him a kindly welcome, as he's sure to provide us all with a laugh, hopefully not as his own expence.

Three cheers for 2Blog, Hip hip Hooray!

Thucking Thuny Stuff

Potato Cake OZ

Yes some bozzo wants to sell u a Potato Cake in the shape of Australia. By the time the auction has finished, the country will be covered in green, no not vegatation, but mold. Please note, seller is in Melton South which says it all.

Breast Butter

Boob butter anyone, spreads well!

Pork Crackel or Cockal

Pork crackling or the victim of a bizarre accident - U BE THE JUDGE!

Pussy Vibrator

Hello kitty vibrator

Apache Longbow for sale

Apache Helicopter for sale...some interesting questions where asked of the seller:
Q: Could you tell me if it has any anti-theft devices or remote central locking? 22-Mar-06

A: Hi Tenisballz Good question no central locking but built in safeguards you need to have the lean build of a woman the legs of a giant and the height of a dwarf (term not meant to offend)to get into the front seat,the rear seat is a little more generous. When shopping just remove the tasking hard disk.

Q: have u got one in beige? 22-Mar-06

A: Hi Kingchill Sorry cannot accommodate your request generates TOO much trouble with the neighbours, like the guy in Cornwall with the hangar and the MDH500 it already smokes and smells like a filling station ,but keeps the neighbours in compliance when I check out the cannon using the heads up display.

Q: Can you confirm how much postage would be for special delivery to london? 22-Mar-06

A: Hi Geffen Dificult to quote my kitchen scales only go up to 850g I am on a diet.
Q: can I take it for a test drive? 22-Mar-06 A: Hi Be Unfortunately NO Test Drives But you can sit on the Missile Pod

....and the list goes on!

Tech Talk - Syridian's FiDo Project #12

Ok, Time for all you non-technogeeks to find some other Blog to read... It's time to blow my own trumpet, toot my horn and then come back to the real world to talk technicial, after washing my hands of course.

So, In this first edition of Tech Talk, I was actually going to explain a project I have been working on for the last couple of months to start a key start generator from a single relay contact or switch... However, I started writing it... and then 3 pages later got to about where I should start, and well... Still hadn't started. So I have put that masterpiece of literary genius on the back burner for when I feel like publishing a small book. So, I hear you ask, where is this now going? Ahhh, so good of you to ask. Oh? You didn't? Ok, I won't tell you then....

Ahhh... So now you want to read more hey? OK, Well, last night while sorting through my collection of bits and bobs (No boobs I'm afraid, more the shame), I came across something I have held onto since my apprenticeship oh so many years ago. It was just an old Printer Buffer, nothing special. But I remembered why I kept it, it was a nice sized project box. Isn't it amasing how someones junk becomes another useful item... Truth be told, it was my junk for almost 12 years. Looking at it I thought, should I Ebay this? But cogs were turning... the fleshy database of my mind was doing a Terminator style search, trying to find a match. As it turned out, there were a few other bits in my bobs box (still no Boobs, I keep looking though). And so that old lighter with no gas was starked up... Took a few tries mind you. Bits came together, bit's got discarded... and FiDo Ver 1.0 was born!

What is FiDo? FiDo, as the name suggests, is just a Dog... well, in this case an electronic dog. What FiDo does is retrieve Data from the Internet and other sources. I see you all looking at me strange... Thats what a computer does, I hear you say. Well, yes... FiDo is a computer, but FiDo is also small, almost silent, and doesn't eat much (power that is) FiDo also stays on permenantly, displaying data when ever you choose to look. At about 10Watts, FiDo uses about the same electricity as an energy saver light bulb. He has Ethernet, and LCD Display and a number of Inputs and Outputs, and can do anything that software will allow him to do. Ok, ok, ok.... So at the moment he's only a concept. One with hardware almost in place, and loads of decisions to be made, and hours and hours of frustrating caffine drinking hair wretching fun to be had.

Uses for Fido.

• Internet connected Atomic Clock
• Local Time Server
• Webcam upload
• Email notification
• Weather data retrieval
• News retrieval
• Blog retrieval

Just a few Idea's to start with anyway. I shall let you all know how things go in future articles. Anyone who would like to help with the software side is more than welcome, in fact... PLEASE HELP... I like my sanity. ;) Oh... hang on, it's already too late for that.

Has Syridian sold out?

In this new age of electronics commerce, and ads on webpages providing a small income for those that run them, have I really sold out to big business by providing Google with the oportunity to Advertise on Bleep, Dots and Nonsense? Yeah, probably! But will that change the quality of journalism that we provide you with? Hopefully not at all!

You see, by providing a small amount of income, it allows me to attract better articles by providing cash prizes... Yes, you heard it! I intend to give away money, as an incentive to you my readers to provide good quality interesting reading material for your fellow readers. So... do I now have your attention? No?

Money money money!!!!

How about now? Oh goodie. ;) So... If you have something you feel needs to be said, something that is entertaining, informative, tasteful, and well... Amusing, then email it through, with some details about yourself. You don't even have to be a signed up Blogger.com member to enter.

So, starting today... You are all welcome to start submitting articles, by emailing them to submissions [at] syridian.com. Entrys close at the end of this month, and the winner will be announced one week later. Meanwhile, the next months entry process will be open. Look forward to reading your submissions.

Rules of entry:

• All submitted articles become the intelectual property of Syridian.com though the author retains bragging rights.
• All submitted articles are subject to an editing process before publication.
• All submitted articles will be checked for compatibility, and censorship compliance.
• Not all submitted articles will be published on the site, however articles in the running for a prize will be.
• Prize is undisclosed until end of the competition month.
• Winner at this stage is judged monthly, however this is subject to change.
• The owner of this Blog retains the rights to change the rules of entry at anytime, they will be posted.
• What I say goes! ;) Even if you don't like it... I am after all the one giving away the money.